California heart. Oregon living.
The young & the restless.
So unrelated to last post kinda, I’ve been thinking a lot about our relationship. I’ve been thinking about how used to you I am. How expectant I am to see you everyday. How I always know your kisses are coming. How I know that when it’s time for bed, you’ll be laying there beside me. I was thinking of the rest of my life. I was thinking of how when we have kids, you’ll be the best dad ever. How you’ll kiss me when you come home from work. I’ve been thinking of all the changes that are to come because we are nowhere near where we want to be in our lives.
I’ve thought of all the ways I want to change myself. Of all the ways I have changed. Of all the things I want to change in my life.
It’s hard to explain but I don’t think of you being there. I don’t think of what you want to do with your life. Of how you want to change. Of how you have changed. I don’t think of you wanting to do different things than me. I don’t think of you as the person I’m dating. The person I live with.
Because you are a part of me. A part of my life. You are basically my life. I don’t do anything without you.
So I was thinking about that. Of how close we are & how close we always are. & I was thinking if that was what I wanted.
& then…I realized. That i can’t breathe when I think of you not being by my side. I don’t think so much of you because….you don’t feel like a different person. You’re mine. You are the other half of my soul.
Sometimes I want to kill you. But I would die with you.